|
The Bait, The Trap, or the Prize By Lisa McDonald James
2:12 - Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives
freedom. Romans 12:19 - Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Have you ever worked up a good mad? I mean, have you ever gotten so angry about something that when it was time to “get over it” you didn’t want to because it took so much energy to get there?
When my ex-husband told me about his infidelity, my anger rose to new heights. With each nauseating detail of the affair, my rage seemed to take control of me. I remember sitting in the living room rocker, listening to him, and shaking uncontrollably even though it felt at least 100 degrees. You can never be prepared for something like this because you never expect it to happen to you. It is always someone else, (or so I used to think). I believe my first response to what he was saying was to repeatedly ask him, “Why? What did I do to make you do this? How could you have done this to our family? I used to trust you!”
When he had finished talking, and was waiting on for my response, I pulled myself up out of the chair, stumbled over to him and began to yell in his face. I don’t really remember what I was saying but I can only guess it wasn’t very complimentary. When my voice started to go out, I literally jumped on top of him and started hitting and clawing and jabbing and slapping – anything I could do to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him like he had just hurt me.
Thinking about this later, I became very scared. Was that really me? Did I do that? I’ve never seen myself as a violent person. I’ve always been rather calm and peaceful. Some people back then would have even called me shy. I keep a lot of stuff inside and then let it out in private, but in no way have I ever shown my emotions in such a blatant and destructive way. But most of us when approached with an unexpected situation, our bodies react the best way it knows how. I asked myself, “Could I be that angry again? Why did this crisis trigger such a response while others did not? Was I normal? Did this happen to other people…to other Christians?”
Jim Smoke, in his book Growing Through Divorce, states, “Taking charge of yourself means you act on situations rather than react to situations. Reacting puts the result in someone else’s ballpark. Acting keeps them in your ballpark and leaves you in control of the situation. Acting on a situation means I hear what is being said, I think about what is being said, and I respond to what is being said. I present a clear statement of my feelings that will lead to my positive actions.”
The Bible mentions the subject of anger at least 269 times. In 176 of those references the word “anger” comes from the root word “aporeo” which means to have no way out, to be at a loss, or to be perplexed. Throughout our lives, there will be times when it gets tough, and it takes all we can to just survive. Our emotions come and go, up and down, like a roller coaster, or wash over us like the tides at the beach. Just when we think we have everything in check, another emotion rears its ugly head. With any sense of loss or crisis, anger could be a natural result. There is anger toward a person, a situation, even God and ourselves. There could be a feeling of being rejected and abandoned with “no way out” as it seems. We get angry because we feel we do not deserve what has happened to us. Bad things aren’t supposed to happen to good people.
Many times when there is anger, it may stem from a spirit of offense. This means that someone has hurt our feelings, has been the cause of our pain and we have taken offense. Offense if left unchecked can develop into bitterness, strife, unforgiveness and hatred. Like a trap Satan has cleverly placed before us. In fact, the word offense is derived from a Greek word “skandalon” which originally means “the name of the part of a trap to which the bait is attached, hence, the trap or snare itself.” It was the part of the trap that lured or snared an animal. So, Satan uses a spirit of offense to lure us into judging, then anger, then bitterness…..and the cycle continues.
So how do we combat offense and anger? What are the weapons we use?
Scripture tells us that Jesus was angry toward the moneychangers in the temple. (John 21) Paul told us in Ephesians, “Be angry, but sin not.” (Eph. 4:26) If we are to use Jesus as our example, then anger is not always wrong, and even at times warranted. Problems arise when anger, an extremely dominating emotion, is allowed to control us. But after getting motivated by its affect, it is hard to give it up. Anger makes us feel more powerful, more in control (usually over another person, I may add) and even stronger. But when our sinful nature starts to have power over us, anger can easily lead to sin. James instructs us to speak and act as those who are going to be judged. This means to always act in such a way so that no one can find fault with our behavior; to be Christ-like in our witness in this dark world. The thought of being humble and loving seems, in the society of today, to be a weakness. But in reality it takes more strength to be calm and at peace in any given situation.
The second part of James 2:12 states that the judging will be by “the law that gives freedom”. Rules and regulations do not sound very freeing. But in regards to giving all of ourselves to God and having Him in control of our total persons, by living the lives He has set before us, we do have freedom. God handles every detail of our life. By knowing this, we do have freedom in knowing that nothing is going to happen today that God doesn’t already know about. It frees us from the control of our emotions upon our unwilling recipients and us.
Let’s look at some of the verses in the Bible which explain more about taking offense toward our brothers or sisters.
Matt
18:32-35 - Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou
wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest
not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant,
34 And
his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all
that was due unto him.
35
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your
hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespassess
In this parable of the debtor, Jesus explained how God would deal with every one
if they did not freely forgive their brother from any offenses. Did you notice
those two little inconspicuous words in verse 35, “every one?” Some people
and some things are easy to forgive while other require the patience and
determination of Job. In either case, total forgiveness is necessary but more
importantly, commanded. Matt 13:41-42 - The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. What a sobering thought. Jesus will
send angels to gather out of His kingdom all things that cause offense and the
place where they are sent will be no picnic. Acts 24:16 2 Cor 6:3-7 - Giving no offense in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed: These two scriptures really spell
everything out. In order that our witness will not be ruined and to show
ourselves as ministers of God, we must go through problems and trials with
patience. In order to stay away from being an offense or taking offense, we must
clothe ourselves with pureness, knowledge, longsuffering, kindness, by being
controlled by the Holy Spirit, by keeping Christ’s love inside, by studying
the Word, by allowing the power of God to be evident in our lives, by doing what
is right, always. This sounds like a tall order to follow but as it states in
Acts 24:16, a choice was made, not to take or be an offense to anyone. With God,
all things are possible. In order to move toward getting a
handle on our anger and any other derogatory emotion which may have taken
control, we must assess them, specifically the ones that give us the most
problems and then make goals toward overcoming them. Find the problem, determine
the behavior, distinguish what needs to be changed and then make a goal that
these emotions will not put us in the position again where we are out of
control. In looking at our emotions, we can either allow them to be the bait, the trap, or a prize. The bait – Are our emotions, specifically the less than pretty one, baiting us, tempting us to stray from God’s sight and instruction? The trap – Have we acted this way for so many years that we feel trapped in a vicious circle of retaliation and revenge? The
prize – Or, do we realize that we are God’s chosen vessels in this world
and that in order to break the stronghold of offensive emotions, a mind renewed
by Christ daily is essential and required. And when this is achieved, we will
receive the prize, of intimate communion with God, the creator of heaven and
earth! Being able to have a loving attitude amidst the pain is not easy. It is almost impossible. Most of the time we can’t control our anger, but God can. Give it to Him. He knows about it anyway. When we nurture it, it gives room to Satan where he can cultivate bitterness and strife in our hearts. Since we are God’s temple and HE lives in us, we are new creatures and He will enable us to do whatever He has planned. Loving and forgiving is definitely the type of life He wants us to lead. Questions for Reflection: 1. What type of things makes me angry? 2. Do I have a breaking point and what is it? 3. Am I harboring bitterness and resentment toward someone right now? 4. Am I reacting or acting when I get angry? 5. What goals will I set for myself this week toward controlling my anger? This month? This year? 6. Have I asked God’s forgiveness in this area and have I asked God to help me? A prayer for the angry: Precious Father, I messed up! I let my anger explode again! I wasn’t a very good witness to other people who know I am a Christian. Please help me have the strength to control my temper, but more importantly, when I begin to feel overpowered, keep me in tune with your empowering Spirit. I pray that I will become a pleasing witness in Your eyes. In Your Son’s precious name, Amen.
|