Gasping for Air
by Lisa McDonald

        How many times a day do we I think about breathing? How many times do we contemplate the length of our breaths, the amount of oxygen we take in or the amount _ of carbon dioxide we expel? I believe it would be safe to say that most all of us don’t think about breathing very often. It just happens. We take it for granted—that the air will always be there or that our lungs will always have the ability to take it in. The only time we think about it is when we don’t have it; like swimming under water. A swimmer takes in a breath which must hold him until he reaches the surface again. It’s not possible to breathe underwater so he must do without. But probably one of the main things on the swimmer’s mind is getting to the surface in order to breathe freely again.

        After divorce, I was placed in prison. Self-imposed as it was, the walls did not consist of concrete, but of loneliness. I felt like I was smothering and couldn’t breathe, almost like being underwater. Negative Thoughts came to visit me regularly in my prison cell, along with their friend, Incriminating Questions. Since they came to see me, I felt I was obligated to entertain them. Negative Thoughts reminded me that I couldn’t MAKE any one ask me out for a date and I couldn’t MAKE my ex-spouse come back home and make the pain go away, so I would probably be alone forever. Being very antagonistic, Incriminating Questions piped in, not wanting to be left out and demanded, "Why are you alone? Why weren’t you woman enough or pretty enough to keep your husband from leaving? What’s wrong with you?"

        Since I was alone my focus was on, specifically, what I did not have. But in my search for comfort, God led me to Psalm 68:6: "God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, only the rebellious dwell I in a parched land." (NAS) God told me that He would provide a home for me. The great thing about I this is that homes or even families can be defined in many ways. This could mean that God would provide a mate for me or it could be His plan to build up a more secure home for my daughters and myself. This Psalm also promised that He would rescue me, a prisoner of loneliness, and lead me into prosperity. I wouldn’t have to listen to Negative Thoughts or Incriminating Questions again. I could live a vibrant Christian life if I would only believe in God’s Word. Having a true faith in God would be the key I needed to set me free.

        The true test of our faith in God is whether we rely on [Jim, trust that He knows best and that He will take care of us. Why else would Peter say: "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in the proper time: casting all your anxiety upon him; for he cares for you (I Peter 5:6-7 NAS). When we realize God is in control of not only every breath, but also our "love lives," it becomes more comfortable being alone. We may be alone, as defined as having no other per-son around, but we need never be lonely because God is ever present. Being accepting of the blessing of life itself gives us true perspective and focus.

Since my parole I’ve learned that my priority should not be WHO I am walking through life with, but to be thankful for each breath along the way. be thankful for each breath along the way.

Lisa McDonald, Knoxville, TN, is Director at Lonsdale Daycare Center